The One That Sucks.

Love sucks. That's the truth. Or at least, the feeling of love sucks. Especially when only one person is feeling that. It's probably not love. Probably just a crush. But still, it sucks. I wish you could just push feelings away.
But you can't.

The One that starts it all.

I find that starting out to write things like this is always the hardest. Always. And I don't know why. Whenever you get halfway through, you feel as if you could write forever. I don't really know why I've decided to start this. Probably because I know that no one I know will probably ever find this, and I'm able to really say what I feel. I don't know. I don't even know what I'll write about. Maybe what happened today in school, or maybe about the latest Jon And Kate Plus 8 or Grey's Anatomy episode. Whatever I end up writing about, it probably won't be that interesting. Just a normal 17 year old girl in a normal Chicago suburb living a normal life. Normal normal normal. Boring boring boring. Why can't something exciting happen to me? I feel closed up in this place with all the people closing in on me. It's like I can't breathe.

This has become pretty intense. And I didn't really mean for it to be like that. But what can I say. I've had a tough night. You know when you kinda like someone, and you think maybe, possibly, they kinda like you? They are giving off feelings that possibly are saying something...and you are shut down. I mean, I don't really know if I liked him or not...but it's always nice to feel loved. It's nice to know that someone actually cares. But when you find out no one does, it kinda hurts. It actually really hurts. But I can't do anything about it. I can't force feelings. Which sucks.

It's 1:30 AM and I think I'm going to go text the-almost-boy and watch some season two of Grey's. Maybe I'll feel better in the morning. Doubtful.